Hey Dewdz

I love courier! It is definitely my favorite font, with Wingdings and other impossible to read ones at a close second. I really have to pee but I'm afraid to because the plumber is here trying to fix the leaky pipes that have been dripping into my neighbors apartment and I don't want to talk to him! So I'm totally blogging instead! I'm very happy about the semester being over and getting a break. I think I stopped giving a shit about Christmas though. My parents have been trying to convince my brother and I that we were too old for Christmas for like 10 years and I am finally starting to agree with them. I do like getting presents though. It sounds like they are just ripping a hole in my wall or floor. I hope not! I've been watching a ton of documentaries lately. Mostly in the 'heartfelt biographical' category. It took having netflix for me to realize how many of these things exist, but it is plenty. I watched one called Crazy/Love *SPOILER ALERT* about this tiny weird rich guy who fell in love with this woman who was really attractive in comparison to him but she was okay with that because he took her out every night and bought her all kinds of stuff. Then she found out he was married and he said he was leaving his wife and then his wife called and said she didn't care about their relationship but she would never divorce him. So the lady decided to end it and he stalked her and called her constantly for a while. Then when she was about to marry another guy this dude hires some black men to go to her house and throw acid in her face! which made her pretty much blind. And then he ends up going to prison for a long time and she takes forever to lose her virginity and never finds a man (because the fiancee dumps her after the blinding) So when he gets out of prison they totally meet up and he is STILL in love with her and she ends up liking him again even though he blinded her and ruined her entire life and now they are just an old married couple who bicker a lot but seem to get along pretty well. What the fuck right? I'm not sure why I had to explain the whole story but it's so weird that I have to share it.

Well, now I'm feeling pretty done with this blog so if anyone is reading this- go find something else to do now.

Chinese Pizza

Forgot to mention that Mary Ann and I made my newer dream pizza a reality recently. Chinese Pizza! It was basically a pizza crust with teriyaki sauce (is that Chinese even?) and then the toppings were bamboo shoots, water chestnuts, baby corn and...actually that was it. We were impressed that we even made it and it was pretty okay but extremely salty. Then we never ate the leftovers and threw it away. Still, a lot of my imaginary pizzas are no longer imaginary so I feel good.

Ow, my eyeballs

So it turns out I am awake at 4:30 am on a Thursday. If you know me at all this should not be remotely surprising, but it is a bit lonely. Usually I like a good chunk of Fran time (aka spider solitaire/internet time) in my day, but as of now I would have to say it's pretty boring. Uhhh. So I have decided that the best job ever would be to be a comedy writer for tv. Mostly I get this feeling whenever I watch way too much 30 Rock and think I could get away with being a slightly less prude Liz Lemon. I have slowly been losing my interest in reading for long stretches of time and replaced that with an obsession for television and HBO programming which I deem superior. I have watched the Sopranos entirely through three times, but I still love it when Chris says "dissentary" when he means to say "dissent" and the way Pauly tells a joke and then says "Did you hear that? He said (. . .) and I said (. . .)", laughs and repeats the same joke to an audience that could obviously hear him the first time. I especially love Chris' intervention when Sil says "One day I arrived at work to open up, your head was in the toilet. Your hair was in the toilet water. Disgusting." And then they beat the shit out of him, which I know is totally not cool at an intervention, because I also watch that show. Basically, I am way more interested in tv than I am in 18th and 19th century English novels. However, I think television is arguably literature and there are a lot of shitty books out there that I don't feel the need to read and discuss at the moment. I also care a lot about Psychopaths. I mean, fuck them, but at the same time I am so in awe! No fear, superb manipulation skills, "superficial and glib" and there are probably so many successes out there that will never even go to prison. All I really have to say to psychopaths is "you go girl!" (or boy) But I also want to avoid them at all costs because they would totally suck me in and somehow convince me to give them all my furniture.


Sorry about this. I should go to bed and also graduate soon.

I feel a blog coming on!

Ahh, the first day of school. I feel so accomplished because I went to both of my classes and it's early enough that I can't be mad at myself yet for still being awake. Not much to report about the two classes I had today. I really need to brush up on Russian and Mary Ann and I are both in Developmental Psychopathology so we are gonna share a book and save some dough. Plus I already took a class about psychopaths so I bet it will be a lot of repeated material I already know! I love psychopaths. Tomorrow I have a class at 8:10 (A.M.!) which is pretty worrisome, but I think I can do it. I've been playing Spider Solitaire a LOT lately. I used to play on the intermediate level but I decided to try advanced recently and that is when shit started getting out of control. It took me 81 games to win and now I'm on a 29 game losing streak. This doesn't mean I'm really bad or anything...I'm pretty sure a lot of the hands are impossible to win with. If you don't believe me, you try! I think I'm about over it now because I started dreaming about it the other night. I think when I start dreaming about things it means I've gone too far.

I really need a job. There is so little to choose from that I'm pretty torn between nude model and just going to dentistry school. I guess I could also win money in the "Biggest Loser Challenge" if I lose the most weight. But if I did win I'd just have to spend all the money on rehabilitation.

I'm still listening to way too much This American Life. I realized that I'm guilty of assuming every voice I hear on the radio is that of an attractive person, with the exception of David Sedaris.

The Confession of an American Jew

When I clicked on the title area "The Confession of an American Jew" came up as a choice on the list of things I must have at some point typed into something, so that is the explanation since I am not (yet) a Jew. I am currently eating a sandwich on a hot dog bun. The main reason is lack of bread but I think it is the perfect size so I might have to make a habit of this. I'm also drinking a beer with my lunch in hopes that the afternoon back at work might be a little more fun. But I don't think one beer can do that. Mary Ann moved all her shit into the apartment and I am pretty pumped for our roommate hood. We played drinking trivial pursuit the other night and got way too excited about being roommates whenever it came to mind. I think we did the handshake where you grab the person's arm for extra fervor. We have like 15x the amount of dishes and kitchen utensils that would be necessary for two people, but I'm already excited to break out the Christmas dishes come December. I'm pretty pissed because my google toolbar has been converted to some shitass one that the antivirus thing I have put in. Yahoo's search engine is terrible and I'm super angry that I have to now go to google.com instead of just having it at my fingertips. In other news, I had a nice talk with my boss yesterday about cock fighting. I guess he raises game cocks and sells them to Mexicans in Colorado. We have a magazine behind the counter, "The Gamecock" and it is pretty awesome. When I get a chance I will post some of the poems that one cocker submitted. I can remember one line: "We serve our fowl with vigor and vim." There is another poem called "Are you an active cocker or do you just belong?" It's great stuff. I love greenhouse kitties and I especially love showing them where all the catnip is and watching them get incapacitated.


This is Zippy, he likes to jump into people's cars when they leave their windows down. He was also recently spotted playing with a snake that was eating a frog.

Later I will make a whole kitty blog because I take pictures of them all the time.

hot dog pizza, etc.

Hello Moirah. I'll just pretend you are the only one reading this because it's probably true. Blogging is like soooo cathartic! I already feel like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

So I had a dream about a hot dog pizza like 6 months ago and just last night a made it a reality! It was not that great. Thankfully the rest of the toppings are good so I can still enjoy it. I'm pretty sure bologna and hot dog are the same meat. Also, today at work a really old lady fell and it took her at least 10 minutes to get up. I tried to help but probably did nothing. She seemed in pretty good health but it just amazed me how hard it was for her to get back on her feet. She needed the help of a stool and a doorknob and then she had to try out each of her legs before she decided which would be best to push up from. When I fall I can jump back up quickly enough that no one even notices, maybe, so that is too bad. Have you heard of this pokemon named Prinplup? I got a sticker from a machine (because Hasting still doesn't carry homies) and out came Prinplup. I will probably name my first born after him. It's a penguin I think.

Last night I had a dream about Kristine and I meeting Zac Efron, which is mostly weird because I barely have any idea who that guy is. But he liked us a lot. Aaaand tomorrow I am going to Ft. Collins after work with Luke and maybe Adam to see Whatever Works and maybe eat some sushi if I feel like it fits into my budget, which it doesn't. I started a puzzle and I played my violin once and I've been listening to a lot of This American Life.

This is seriously all I have going on right now.